Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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