just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
