Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
