Nicole vs. Life
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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