Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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