She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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