We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
