So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
