just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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