The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize