How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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