My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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