my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize