he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
