One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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