is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
