girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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