i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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