i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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