So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
