I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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