So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
