New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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