Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
