woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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