This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
