I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
