turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
