please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize