Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
