her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
