Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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