eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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