Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
