i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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