my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He passed out mid-signature
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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