i don't like sucking hair
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
