So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
