I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
