The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
