If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
