Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
