Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
