we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
