im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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