Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
