Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
