Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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