I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
