You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
