apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
