I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
