Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
