I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
