Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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