My first STD was from a foam party
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
there is glitter all over my balls
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