I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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