I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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