my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize