Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He? As in you personified your dick?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
