Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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