I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
