I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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