You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
