i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
