and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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