I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
