allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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