You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
